I was running along the greenbelt in Columbus yesterday, and encountered a small gaggle of Canada Geese munching on grass beside the river, so I decided to get their take on the COVID-19 outbreak.
“Honestly, we’re not too concerned about it, ” acknowledged the watch goose, looking around nervously as his fellows continued munching.
“If humans get too distressed, perhaps they may stop tending this turf. It’s quite tasty grass; a bit of a chemical aftertaste to it, but clean, filling, and delicious in general.”
The Goose nodded and added, “Mmm, you really can… yeah, you can fill up on grass here during your seasonal commute quick, much faster than rooting around here and there for wild grasses and plants that taste good. So, I guess it would be kind of a drag…”
The Goose stared off into the river for a bit, then suddenly continued.
“But we wouldn’t get shot at, or seduced by decoys, so maybe it’s okay if humans die off…”
The guard goose paused and greedily munched down some nearby grass.
“Still, the turf they grow is pretty tasty… I guess it’d be a bit of a wash, all told…”