the flow

I’ve often wondered how people can live a normal life, working at the same place for many years, living in the same place their whole lives…

I suspect little things are exciting to them, like a new coffee machine in the break room, or gossip, or Instagram, or whatever, and that’s enough to keep them enthused.

They are probably also stimulated by their friends and family and such, and likely emotionally attached to them, as well, so they don’t want to leave them all.

I feel like different places in the US all have their own culture, and a culture is a system, and it’s hard to really understand a system without being in it.

Really, there’s no point to understanding and learning about 99% of what I’m interested in, and I seem to not be interested in about half of what I should be learning about.

Probably a good 20% of what I know, I wish I did not.

Still, figuring things out is what I do.  Learning, is what I do.

I’m a child, after all, and I would not want to live any other way.

mirror, mirror…

Never trust a mirror.

It’s perhaps one’s natural inclination to believe that others see us the way we see ourselves in a mirror, both literally and figuratively, but both are far from the truth.

Mirror me is always making eye contact.  Mirror me is quite familiar with me, is in a safe place, and is not afraid of me.

Mirror me knows my strengths and weaknesses, my virtues, and my evil.

I trust mirror me, and mirror me trusts me.

What we know about a person shapes our perception of their outward appearance.

The mirror is a case-study in self-deception, on many levels.

some days…

some days, all of my cognition is meta-cognition…

loneliness is my constant companion (?!)

In any case, I’ve decided to get a job being lonely.  Getting paid to feel lonely should take all the joy out of it, so I won’t want to do it any more.

I think it’s my best plan yet…

“caught a bolt of lightning…”

There’s never, ever, any guarantee of success.

But if life hands you a stroke of luck, you must match it with your own tenacity.

Taking the strange path in life, intentionally or not, means a very, very hard and dangerous road.

I think about the Autistic people I knew, and the severely socially anxious people I knew, and I think about their lives, and wonder what it would have been like, if I could have been protected from the world like them, and lived within my own tiny little world, like they do.

A few years ago, I would have advised them to take on the world, but now I’m not so sure.  They should definitely find ways of having friends, but the workplace is just… hard.  It’s hard for anyone, but it’s particularly hard for really sensitive people, and people who aren’t socially skilled, and there just doesn’t seem to be any way around that.

In any case, if you do pull the lucky card, and you catch the bolt of lighting, don’t let it go, until it takes you where you want to go, no matter how much it hurts, because you might not get another one, and every other option just hurts more, and the agile part of your life is very short.

Though, I suppose to caveat that, do have an exit strategy… you want to be going somewhere, not just frying in place…

(The title quote is from a song by Pearl Jam, called “Nothingman.”  It has inspired me a lot lately.)

when you’re a stranger…

Intelligent and strange people can fail to conform while simultaneously understanding where others are coming from.  It hurts them as much as anyone, but they don’t blame anyone in particular.  Like anyone under constant pain, they can be jumpy and irritable(often, much to their own dismay), but they don’t try to take it out on others.

They take responsibility for their position in society.

Unintelligent and strange people are where things really get problematic, because it mostly depends on who’s influencing them.  They are under intense stress, but have no way of understanding it, or understanding the active role they play in it.

They blame others.

The nicest people, and the worst people, are strange.

life

Well, in hindsight, if this is all that it’s about, then I guess it’s no big deal.

Still, it’s kind of annoying, and, rather than doing it again, I hope there are other options available to choose from when the time comes.

Sentient space probe capable of arbitrary-distance warp travel, infinite memory and lifetime, and extremely accurate sensors in every band of the electromagnetic spectrum, might be an ideal choice.

I would like to go around beholding things.